After sorting through the hundreds of “wanna hook up” and “let’s fuck” messages I received, a man by the name of Christian messaged me a quick little intro about himself. I was not only relieved but also intrigued. He was a 38 year old man, bald head and bearded, great shape, entrepreneur, with a kid. Not as tall as I prefer but not too short either. On paper, he was a prime candidate. We messaged back and forth for a couple of days before he finally asked me to dinner. I accepted the invitation.

I was in Encino and the time and he was from Torrance. That’s quite the drive. We decided to meet at a halfway point in Hollywood at a small Persian restaurant.

Omg, I’m running late. I hate running late! I text him to apologize and let him know I’m on my way.

I’m tardy by 7 minutes.

As I’m walking across the street I see him standing there waiting for me. Oh thank goodness, his pictures were real and he didn’t lie about his height. (I laugh to myself in relief.) We shake hands, do a bit of an intro and walk into the restaurant.

We are promptly seated. Conversation is going ok. He likes to talk a lot, about himself. Luckily for him, I had a 10mg edible and I feel hella relaxed and don’t mind listening.
Oh, he’s vegan. I don’t know about you but there is something about vegan men that I find to be a turn off. I don’t know if it’s because there is something primal and dominant about a man tearing into a steak or what but the vegan thing threw me off. (And I don’t eat red meat or pork myself.)

Back to our date. While we’re eating a horrible meal from this horrible restaurant, he thinks we’re comfortable enough to start putting his hand on my bare leg. I let it pass… Then he starts talking and rubbing my leg. I put my hand on top of his and politely stop it from sliding up my leg. He continues to talk. Now he’s talking about troubles with his ex. WTF?! We just met. Keep that drama for later. I pretend to need to use the restroom so I don’t have to continue to listen. When I get back I ask if he’s ready to go. We grab the check and head out of the restaurant. That’s when he mentioned he wants to go to one more place. Ok… He wants to go to a hookah bar. I had never had hookah. So, fuck it. Let’s do this.

The hookah bar is just a block away. As we’re walking there he holds my hand. I’m not a very affectionate person to begin with. And especially not with someone I just met. (Why is he holding my hand?!) The hookah bar is quiet. There are only 2 other people sitting. We order our hookah and drinks. Again, he starts talking about himself. Hookah and drinks arrive and he teaches me how to smoke it. I don’t smoke so this isn’t really something I could see myself doing too often. As Christian is talking and smoking he places his hand on my upper thigh again and leans in for a kiss. Fuck! Why would he do this? I’m not giving any body signals that I am interested. I turn and give him my cheek but not so harshly that anyone would think I was dissing him. After all, perspective is everything. I do my best not to embarrass people. Usually, someone would take my cheek turn as a hint that I either (1) don’t move this fast, or (2) I’m not interested. Wrong. At least in Christian’s head. He though this was an invite to rub and grab even higher on my upper thigh. I politely pat his hand and tell him ‘no‘. He must think this is a game. Maybe I’m being too nice. He continues. I tell him ‘that’s enough‘. He gives me a devilish smile, removes his hand from my thigh and moves it to the small of my back and across the top of my ass. Now, I’m smiling. But not because I’m happy. I’m smiling because I now have to be a cunt to a stranger and teach him manners. I get up from the table and ask him in a very stern voice ‘do I look like a petting zoo?!‘ I’d asked him to stop repeatedly and he continued to touch me. Has nobody ever said no to him? I start to walk away. He chases after me and stops me. He continues to say ‘come on, we met on tinder.‘ Um, what the hell does that mean?! Then, this douche bag asks if I wanna to come to his place. I’m walking away now while laughing my ass off as this has to be a joke…

He stood there confused.

I walked away confused.

Is this really what dating has come to? Have we forgotten how to interact with one another? Clearly, I’m not keen to what Tinder entails.

Christian thought by not being as upfront about wanting to hookup would get me in bed. At the end of the night, his dishonesty just cost him financially. Had he been honest from the beginning I would’ve weeded him out with the rest of them and he’d saved himself the cost of dinner, drinks and hookah. And I would’ve saved myself 2 hours of my life that I’ll never get back.

This isn’t the end for Tinder and me just yet but it’s definitely an eye opener to what’s out there…