While sorting through the bullshit of Tinder, a few more potentials surface.
Let’s meet Keith.
Keith is a 39 year old writer who lives in Santa Monica. He has a head full of dirty blonde hair, blue eyes, and a manicured beard. He has a dry sense of humor and probably comes from a good background. He only has two pictures on Tinder. One of him with a petite dog (this isn’t a turn on fellas), and the other is a headshot (it must be for his IMDb profile.)
Keith and I decide to meet at a small coffee shop in downtown LA. I circle the damn coffee shop at least 3 times looking for a parking spot! It’s not the traffic in LA that kills me, it’s finding a fucking parking spot! But, I digress… I find parking. Only, I can’t tell if I’m legally parked or not seeing that the ever so contradicting parking signs are confusing me! Screw it. I leave my car parked there and proceed to meet Keith. He is sitting in the first table nearest to the door. I think to myself ‘great, easy exit’. As I enter, he stands up. He IS NOT as tall as his profile says! He’s MY height (I’m 5’7″). So, now I’m sure I have a stank ass look on my face. He goes in for a hug; I lean into it. Then I asked him if I was parked legally. We walked back to my car to check it. Car is good. He asked if we could go for fries. I reply, ‘Fries? Like the French kind?’ What an idiot I am. I laughed at myself. This man did not laugh. Come on, it was stupid funny. Ok, you had to be there. He looked at me like I was the stupidest person he’d ever seen. This made me laugh even harder. Eventually, I composed myself and further responded to his question. ‘We can go for fries. I don’t eat that shit but we can go.” Damn. I didn’t realize just what kind of a bitch I was being until this moment right now. Well… I guess he shouldn’t have lied about his height! But moving on. He asks me for my age. Then he asked if I lied about my age. Wtf?! I laughed and said ‘what if?’ To which he replied ‘statistically women between the ages of 30-45 lie about there age online’. Oh. I guess I’ll start doing that then. I laugh. He didn’t. ‘Oops. I thought you were telling a joke.’ He wasn’t. We continue to walk. He starts moving his mouth again. I don’t hear what’s coming out of it but I stop him and tell him that ‘I’m just not feeling this. I’m gonna save us both time and walk away now.’ I turn around, walk back towards my car. I turn my head back once to see if he walked away just to see him standing there looking at me awkwardly. I immediately blocked his number and delete him from my Tinder.
Did this make me a mean person? On one hand, yes. Maybe. Possibly. But I don’t know how. But, on the other hand, no. Not at all. I saved him the most precious thing out there – TIME.
And, he didn’t even say thank you.