Every now and again you come across an organic connection in The City of Angels. 

I had just finished a morning of self maintainence at the nail salon and headed to my next destination at Topanga Mall. 

I park in front of Nordstrom and begin to change out of the paper flip flops provided by the salon and into my black over-the-knee boots. A white BMW parks in front of me. I make eye contact with the driver, smile and continue to put on my boots. The [cute] guy gets out of his car and goes to the trunk twice and then sits back inside of his car. I’m wondering what in the hell he is doing. And then realize he’s probably wondering why I’m still in my car. I hurry up to finish putting on my boots and quickly exit my car and start walking towards Nordstrom. I can hear him walking behind me. Shit. Am I swishing my hips too much? Does my ass look good? Ugh. I’m a freak. Why am I even caring? We enter the store and go our separate ways…

I finish shopping and get back to my car when I see a parking ticket on my windshield. How the hell do you get a parking ticket in a public parking lot?! I grab the ticket from the windshield and to not find a ticket but a note instead. It reads,

I think I may have got you. Text me xxx-xxx-xxxx. 😉

Ok. This is out of the ordinary. But I’ll bite. I text the number and tell him ‘We both know you didn’t get me…’ I mean, we might as well not bullshit each other. He responds immediately. He let’s me know he didn’t know how to approach me and thought he’d take a chance with the note.  Good for him because it worked. It was cute and made me smile. 

We continue to text back and forth, bullshitting about what we do for a living, how long I’ve been in LA and life in general. While conversing, the subject of our age came up. That’s when he drops the bomb. He’s 22 years old!!! Thats just 2 years older than my daughter. Hell no, I can’t do it! 

When you deny a much younger man, they all say the same thing, “age is just a number”. Do they have a cougar-hunting class for young men that teaches them this? I must break it to him… Oh no, babycakes. That’s your age talking. Age is an experience. In this case, almost 2 decades more experience. It is so much more than a number. He attempts an unsuccessful banter. Eventually, he loses the fight and we hang up. His little young ass was persistent. I can appreciate that. 

It’s now approximately 10pm and I’m doing some office work on my laptop. My text dings. I grab my phone. It’s the youngster. 

What in the actual fuck?! This dude just sent me a video of him masturbating. Who fucking does that?! Especially when our conversation was never even close to being sexual in nature. Why in the hell would he send me that video? Fucking millennials… I don’t respond. 


Ding. Another text. HOLY FUCKING HELL. He sent another one. This one is even more graphic than the first! Yes, of course I watched both of them. Twice. But, before you start judging me, I think I watched it twice because I was in such shock that someone would send me something like that. Especially unsolicitated. Again, I don’t respond to the text. 

It’s now morning. Around 8am. Ding. Seriously, the youngster didn’t take the hint when I didn’t respond to his sex tape? No video this time. I let go a sigh of relief. Thank goodness. It’s too early for that shit. He’s asking if he upset me. Really dude? Ok. It’s time to let him know. I proceed to text him and scold him (must be the mom in me) about sending unsolicited videos of him pleasuring himself. Would he have whipped out his dick if we were just meeting for coffee? Fuck! Do you know what his response was? This little fuck asks if I watched the videos. Oh. My. God. I’m so fucking dead! I laugh. Hang up the phone. Block his number. And laugh some more. I almost wish I would’ve saved the video just so I could put his dumb ass on blast. 

If you didn’t guess it, I never spoke to that guy again… Until, two months later I was working at my Northridge location and he walked in the store. He lingered around the area I was in and kept looking at me. I asked if he needed any help (like I didn’t know who the hell he was). He shakes his head no and I quickly walk away. 

The funny thing is that I was telling one of my co-workers this story when he walked in. Talk about a crazy coincidence.