Oh, sweet Amir. Amir is in his early 40s. He’s bald, no facial hair, darker complexion, protruding eyebrows like a  Neanderthal,and the kindest smile. Amir looks as if he had [at one point] been a body builder. He was massive! His muscles were huge. I’m not usually into big muscles as I don’t want to start questioning my visits (or lack thereof) to the gym. But Amir is very sweet so we’ll give him a chance. After about a week of bumbling each other, he asks me out for coffee.

Coffee seems to be the meeting of choice for online daters.

I get it. But, I also don’t get it. I mean, I understand if we are meeting in the morning or early afternoon but for an evening meetup it seems odd. Don’t get me wrong, I love coffee! But I love sleep even more.

Back to Amir. He asks me to meet him in Santa Monica at a cool little rooftop bar. The view is stunning. Guess he changed his mind about coffee. Thank goodness. I arrive a few minutes early as I’m still new to LA and I haven’t quite learned how the flow of traffic works. He’s not too far behind me. I see him approaching. Damn, his pictures must’ve been 20 years old! He’s not my dad’s age but he’s no spring chicken either.

He smiles and waves. I love when people smile at me. It’s such a gratifying feeling. Even if I’m not the reason they smile, I love being at the receiving end of them.

We sit on the patio. We do the usual icebreaker conversation. He’s from Egypt, no kids, never married. (This always worries me with men in his age group.) The conversation is going well. He talks a lot about himself and likes to name drop. Luckily for him, he’s dropping names of old tennis pros and I’m a lover of tennis.

After waiting at least half an hour for a waitress, which he had to flag down, we finally order a glass of wine. I’m not hungry and neither is he so we decide to leave. He asks if I need to be anywhere, I tell him no and he asks if he can show me around Santa Monica. I accept.

We walk all over Santa Monica. I’m SO happy I wore flats! We first go to this hotel restaurant/bar that has the most amazing view of Santa Monica on one side and the Pacific Ocean on the other. (If you’re familiar with Santa Monica then I’m sure you know the restaurant we were in.) From there, we stop at a bar across the street that reminds me of my college days. I swear I walked into a frat party when I walked into this bar. A little too many pretentious fucks and douchey frat boys in this bar for my taste. We walk around the bar, have a drink and then walk down Ocean Ave.

Ok. He’s still talking. He’s now starting to talk about traveling the world and how we should go to Europe together.

Umm, WE JUST MET! I’m not traveling the world with a man I’ve known for 2 hours.

I laugh. We walk more. He starts talking about traveling again and now says we should go to Paris together and how beautiful it is there. I finally tell him “Pump your brakes, buddy. We just met!” He laughs and awknowledges that he probably sounded like a “Stage 5 Clinger” (I get the reference and laugh) and he didn’t mean to come off that way. I’m so grateful that he chilled out with the travel talk after that.

We walk to the Santa Monica Pier. He still talking about nothing. I’m bored now. This man has talked so much during this date that I’ve began to give him “mom ears”. Mom ears are when our audial goes into autopilot. When Mom ears are on I can make you think I’m listening to every word you’re saying but have completely toned you out.

Finally, I’m able to interrupt him and let him know it’s time for me to go. He walks me to my car. The whole time I’m hoping he doesn’t try to kiss me. We get to the car. Amir gives me a hug. Might I say a great hug. One of those hugs where you fully embrace and slightly squeeze. It’s a very comforting hug.

He thanks me for agreeing to meet with him, expresses he had a great time and we part ways. I’m so happy he didn’t try to kiss me. I wasn’t feeling it this evening…

All in all, it was a good date. I think I just get bored with people when they don’t have anything of substance to talk about. When they just talk for the sake of hearing their own voice. I’ve been guilty of this too from time to time. In fact, you’ll know how much I’m attracted to someone by how much I ramble on about nothing. This is why I always give a second date if their biggest flaw was talking too damn much.