There are always things men wish they knew but (for the most part) we’d never tell them. I decided to give a little insight on those things as I feel it’s my duty to speak up for the rest of us. Most of these are comedic (but true) in nature. Others are a little more serious. Just know that all are very true…
1. If we act like we’re not in the mood for you to go down on us, be advised we probably just took a shit (yes, we poop) and aren’t feeling so fresh.
2. Opening doors for us will really win you blowjob points.
3. Be a [gentle]man! When you act like bitches we lose respect for you. When we lose respect for you, we make fun of your bitch ways with our friends.
4. If you have a good looking cock, chances are we’re thinking about blowing you more times than we’ll ever admit.
5. Farts are funny. We laugh at the smell, the sound, and the texture of our own farts every time we’re alone.
6. We kinda like the cheesy pick up lines… as long as you know you’re being cheesy. If they make us laugh and blush a little, you’re in!
7. We fake it sometimes. It’s not that we’re not enjoying it, we just want to stroke your ego a bit. You perform so much better when you think you’re giving us an orgasm.
8. Sometimes we want to order that steak or pasta with cream sauce. We don’t because we don’t want to get the bubble guts around you. Romance killer: stinky (but funny) farts.
9. While we may seem like control freaks to some of you, we want YOU to take the reigns and plan fun activities and/or dates. (Again, blow job points.)
10. If we suggest an outfit for you to wear, we hate what you’re already wearing. Change. Like now! (But, we’re not control freaks!)
11. We love to have sex with you but we don’t always need you to stick around and cuddle. As a matter of fact, can you please go home? Like, right now so we can get back to reading our book? Thanks.
This list has been a collective effort amongst my female friends whom I have to thank for their input. Now, do all females think these things? Probably. Will all admit to it? Probably not. I hope you enjoyed, laughed and listened. After all, we’re here to live in harmony and to enjoy one another.